Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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