Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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