Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
