He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
