you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize