Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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