Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OPIZZABONMYDICK
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
