I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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