Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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