Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
