Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
