So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
