at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
