Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
