I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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