I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
