It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just high enough for therapy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
