lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
