Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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