he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize