I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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