kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
