my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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