Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
