I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
