Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
