if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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