so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
