Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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