I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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