I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
