as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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