Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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