I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
