Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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