Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
