using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think my moral compass just broke
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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