Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize