i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
