new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
