i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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