Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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