can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
