based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
