I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
