piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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