i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
