I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
