what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
