and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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