imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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