Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
