Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
