I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So many bounce houses so little time
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
