you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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