how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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