sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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