dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
