where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
