and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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