went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
