Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Boobs speak an international language.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
