I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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