Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
