All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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