I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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