I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
