ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
