i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
