Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
